Many, many years ago, during another rocky stretch of our married life, David and I picked up a little book at church called The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts
Unfortunately for me, he shows love the same way he receives it. I’ve always just accepted that, understood that when he does chores or special projects around the house – and now the farm – that this is his way of expressing love. But to me, they’re just items on the to-do list and my “love tank” has gotten so empty, I can’t convert a chicken coop into affection anymore.
My love languages are time and touch – when he doesn’t act like they’re items on HIS to-do list. I need to feel his arms around me sometimes just because. And I liked when we milked the cow together because we got to spend that time talking without the distractions of children, time we don’t have any other way.
Have you ever read that book
Oh Jennie… I LOVE that book.. unfortunately, I found it not too long ago. hahahaha and after 15 yrs of marriage, my punk takes a lot more to coax into doing things (like taking the quizes and reading it too..) than he did when we first started.. They are always SOOO eager to please THEN.. hahahahaha But he is like your hubby.. (not sure if it’s a military thing..) sending you a hug (cyber is NEVER as good as real, I KNOW).. and I so, feel ya girl..
Sometimes, it’s only these cyber-hugs that keep me going.
I love you, Lisa.
Love ya too Jennie.. and you can have as many as you need.. hehehehe The gremlins share… lol..
yes i have read it and mine is also acts of service…both giving love and receiving. Though i have to admit, time and touch are very much appreciate…..
I’ve read several of his books. Mine seems to be a combination of touch and time. Gary desperately tries to accomodate my love languages. He seems to recognize that when I don’t want him touching me I’m disconnecting. Sometimes, it’s hard for me to connect since part of my love language is time and he’s gone SO much!
We’ve started doing all the grocery shopping together without the children. It’s not romantic, but it sure means we get time together. We both enjoy it, so it gets done almost every week that he is home.
I’m lucky in that his love language is time, so when we’re running low, we fill each other up. Unfortunately, we never seem to be low at the same time!
Bill and I are the exact opposite of you and David: I’m acts of service and he’s time and touch. He has to remember that every time I uncomplainingly turn his dirty laundry right-side out, that it means I love him, and I have to remember that once the kids are abed, it is not “me” time but “us” time.
David read this post, I think, because that very morning, he came out to the barn with me and more than once, he wrapped his arms around me, and then, in what is his true expression of love, he cleaned out the work room in the barn and made it easier to work in. It’s nice, but I really needed that “time and touch” from the morning to see it for what it was. And I’m thinking right now of how much time he spends thinking of what I need, and then making the effort to provide it. And I really do still love him.
oh jennie, i’m so glad he made that extra effort morning!
Me, too!
I read the book several years ago. I quickly realized my love language was acts of service and gifts were dead last. Made sense to all those birthday suggestions of light fixtures etc and why I somewhat ruthlessly return gifts. I can’t totally remember my husband’s but I do know that gifts are his and I think time so things like eating out together and flowers are so important to him that I have to not see them as money wasters and enjoy them with him in moderation. We recently did a bed and breakfast type night away and it made us like newlyweds again. The rather steep cost ended up being exactly covered by a church picnic raffle winnings the same week.
Jennie, my husband and I are exactly the same as you. He is acts of service, I need time and affection (and a smattering of everything else, BUT service is nice too). It’s hard for me to appreciate those extra “chores” as love. I was once talking with a much wiser woman than me about this who told me that I needed to let my husband love me as he needs to love me. That changed my perspective a little and now I try to make the effort to look at how he is loving me and receiving it that way. But it’s hard, and sometimes I just need that hand on the small of my back guiding me out the door. Sigh.
I know. I start to feel all bottled up and wound up when there’s not so much physical contact, but I pretty much melt every time he touches me.